The kind of praise that parents give their child can have a big impact on their development. It seems natural to want to praise a child for their intelligence when they do a good job on a project or bring home good grades. However, praising the result, rather than the process to get the result, might have negative consequences in the long run.

Promoting a Growth Mindset vs. a Fixed Mindset

In Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Stanford psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck delves into the kind of attitude, or mindset, that helps people achieve their goals and reach potential. The book's thesis is that having a "growth mindset" can make people more willing to learn, try new ways of doing, and make progress, whether itis school, business, personal relationships, or parenting. On the other hand, having a "fixed" mindset can make one unwilling to learn and challenge one's self, which can lead to personal stagnation, and even regression.

How parents praise their children can influence whether their child develops a growth mindset or fixed mindset. In Mindset, Dweck writes:

"Praising children's intelligence harms their motivation, and it harms their performance. How can that be? Don't children love to be praised? Yes, children love praise. And they especially love to be praised for their intelligence and talent. It really does give them a boost, a special glow - but only for the moment. The minute they hit a snag, their confidence goes out the window and their motivation hits rock bottom. If success means they're smart, then failure means they're dumb. That's the fixed mindset."

To promote a growth mindset, parents should consider other ways to encourage their child.

Dr. Amy Brereton, the Vice President of Academics at Endeavor Schools, recently did a video presentation on Dweck's Growth Mindset theory. In the video, Brereton explains Dweck's theory and gives the following advice to parents who want to encourage a growth mindset in their children.

"It's incredibly valuable to cultivate a growth mindset in your child," Brereton says. "If the focus is on intelligence, children can sometimes become paralyzed and they're unable to continue to grow, develop, and be the best they can really be."

Improper praise can cause children to avoid challenges because they fear failure or want to avoid a situation where they might come across as not having mastered a certain skill. Instead of being open to acknowledging that they have more to learn and welcoming learning opportunities, they avoid situations where they are not confident that they will succeed.  Here are three tips that Brereton says can help you develop a growth mindset within your child/

1. Notice and encourage your child's work, don't evaluate it. Instead of merely offering praise or saying something is good, focus on noticing details about the work. For example, if your child drew a picture, ask questions about what inspired them, why they chose certain colors, or how they decided to do it the way they did it. This encourages children to be excited about the process of doing, rather than just the outcome.
2. Give Feedback about the Effort, Not Just the Result. Instead of just saying they did a good job, praise the effort that went into the job. Talk about the hard work they did to get to the desired outcome. This reinforces the notion that hard work and effort are an integral part of success.
3. Invite Reflection About the Work Through Conversation. When parents say, "Good job!" it can sometimes shut the conversation down and parents lose an opportunity to teach their child valuable lessons. Instead, start a conversation with your child about the project they embarked on. Instead of simply saying "good job," ask them to tell you about their work and ask questions about their process. This enables the child to practice their language skills and develop their intrinsic motivation to engage in reflection.

Brereton reminds parents to make sure that the conversation is a real, two-way conversation - not simply an adult-guided conversation. A great way to do this is to avoid "why" questions, which are one-sided and can also feel attacking. Instead, go back to noticing details about the work and say, "Tell me about that," which is the type of question, or request, that can open up the conversation.

Praise Efforts and Achievements, Not Personality Attributes

In Mindset, Dweck says that teaching children to love the work and effort to reach a goal is better than simply offering praise.

"Parents think they can hand children permanent confidence - like a gift - by praising their brains and talent. It doesn't work, and in fact has the opposite effect. It makes children doubt themselves as soon as anything goes wrong. If parents want to give their children a gift, the best thing they can do is teach their children to love challenges, be intrigued by mistakes, enjoy effort, seek new strategies, and keep on learning. That way, their children don't have to be slaves of praise. They will have a lifelong way to build and repair their own confidence.'

This doesn't mean that children shouldn't be praised. They should. But it should be the kind of praise that celebrates the effort they put into getting the result.

Dweck quotes child psychologist Haim Ginott: "Praise should deal, not with the child's personality attributes, but with his efforts and achievements."